As some of you know, the main event of the year was well awaited, but sadly, due to some unforeseen circumstances, could never happen so far. What am I talking about? The one and only Aaron Eckmann v. Nick VanRijs wrestling match. Two wrestlers. Two coaches. One winner. And a whole lot of bafoonery.
I’ll paint a picture for you all. Ya boi, me, and Eckmann had a glorious plan to have a wrestling match between the two of us, where each was coached for one week by our hometown heroes Luke Jenness and Sam Copley. We had the best event that never happened all planned out. Yet, we respectfully declined (or something like that) the invitation to have the big matchup under the spotlight. Why you may ask? Well, let me explain just one possibility of what might be going on in the mind of myself and Eckmann.
For one of us, it may go something like this: “I would never wrestle because I would die. Therefore, I will never choose to have the opportunity to partake in combat against any of the wrestlers. Especially someone like the notorious Luke Jeness who would in fact undoubtedly rip me into very small pieces. However, both of us are clearly absolutely huge already and only getting bigger with our vigorous workout routines that include walking up dozens of stairs per day. So, all we are saying is that someone like Jeness may need to watch out if an absolute brawl suddenly stirs in the caf. However, we would forever regret our decisions if we made some people, especially the wrestlers, feel dreary about their physical performance. So, we hereby declare to put a halt on our workouts so that we do not make any of the wrestlers, especially Copley, or lifting majors, like Jonah Tews, feel insecure.”
In addition to this, Eckmann has been noticing that he is getting so big from his track workouts that it may be detrimental to his future as a homosapien. So, our lawyers have been negotiating alternatives day in and day out to hopefully come to an agreement for Eckmann to be exempt from lifting because of the fact that his skin will tear off of his body in the case that he obtains any more muscle.
As previously recorded with a weight room trainer Makayla Bjork, their response may go something like so: “We appreciate your consideration of others and obviously the health and safety of your own body. However, Raiders here Stand Out and I believe that goes all the way to your skin falling off.” Bjork was also caught in 4K saying that they would not allow us to make the wrestlers feel bad under any circumstances. Kind of contradictory don’t you think?
Now, let me tell you… this right here is an absolute atrocity and we do not stand for this. I, for one, have dedicated my life to combatting the stigma that many find hard to live up to which is that Raiders Stand Out. I would like some change so that people are comfortable in their own skins which is why I have decided to campaign with #RaidersBlendIn. So to this I say thank you, but no thank you. Until recently, every week I was grinding in that weight room doing things that I didn’t even want to do. And for what? The sole fact of being the biggest person on the team? No, it’s much more than that. It’s a lifestyle. A chance to be great. A chance to show the world that we are indeed worthy of making it without being conned into the mindset that we have to Stand Out.
So no, we have decided to not allow the system to belittle our hard work and dedication to the craft and ourselves. So… here we are… pulling a Kaepernick just to try and shed the smallest amount of light on the flaws of the #StandOut mentality. If you made it this far, I thank you for reading this fever dream of an article. Eckmann and I hope to provide you with the best entertainment that never happened at a later date.
