Today, administration made the groundbreaking decision to schedule class on Christmas. The decision was made after receiving many emails, letters and phone calls in praise of the decision to have school on Good Friday. Vice President for Student Development Ron Jordan said the decision was “easy. When everyone on campus was lining up outside of Zwemer saying they wanted school we said, you know, we just have to listen to the voice of the students.”
Provost Casper Corsage said that he was surprised but that what really convinced him was the 9.84679 thesis that some religion students wrote. “I was about to ignore the rabble like I usually do by putting on my headphones and jamming out to death metal, but then I saw that they put a flier up. When I realized that they were willing to put up a flier to get this done, I knew they were serious and that this wasn’t just a phase.”
Northwestern students celebrate this victory, despite the fact that the movement was once thought to be just a dream. Longtime anti-break activist Jennifer Stickinthemud, almost in tears, said, “I never thought this day would come. When we can stop wasting our time with family and instead sit in class and talk about not being at home with family.”
For some it was a hard sell. Chris Masday, a Christmas enthusiast, said that it was, ultimately, going to class on Good Friday that convinced him. “You know, I thought that I’d hate going to class Good Friday, because we’re supposed to flog ourselves all day and try to imitate crucifixion, but it turned out that having class was actually pretty sweet. I was so mad about not being at home that I didn’t even fall asleep in class. I think that was the most I’ve ever learned in school. Ever.”
SGA’s official statement was, “Words words words… words words words… I’m relevant… words words.”
However, not everyone supports this decision. Some have even said that it will “take away from the significance of class. If we can have it on just any holiday, it cheapens the effect. What is class if it’s not a break from the holidays?” These students are few and far between, of course, because what could possibly be wrong with superseding a major religious holiday with school?