Forget Scrooge’s ghosts of Christmas past, present and future; it appears Northwestern has its own ghost of Cafeteria present roaming about.
Although no students have actually seen the ghost, Ron Teeth, cafeteria manager, insists that it exists.
“There have been way too many botched meals this semester. I mean, come on, Orange Jasmine Thai Shrimp Stir Fry with Asian vegetables and white rice. Really? There’s no way our cooks would make food that tasted like that,” Teeth asserted. “Plus, we’ve been missing tons of utensils and glasses. Our students wouldn’t even think of stealing an apple from us, let alone our cutlery. It’s a ghost. There’s just no other explanation.”
Rumor has it that the recent thefts by the ghost will cause the cafeteria prices to skyrocket. The proposed ridiculous cost next semester for supper may be as high as $9.50.
Cathy Cooke, the cafeteria greeter, agrees with Teeth about the recent ghost activities, but she believes she’s seen the ghost at work in other areas, too.
“Every day, without fail, the ghost takes our beautiful fresh fruit and drops it in our water containers. What a waste!” Cooke bemoaned. “The other day, it even snuck in some asparagus. Disgusting, right? For some reason, though I’m not sure why, a few students still drank it.”
Cooke also blames the ghost for replacing the cafeteria’s normal soup options with some concoction dubbed “Hot Dog Soup.”
Junior Kasper Kooima believes the ghost should be called Jasper the Unfriendly Ghost. He suspects that the ghost resides in the pop machines located in the dining area.
“I’ll just be sitting at a table near the pop machines, and all of a sudden one of their ice churners will start up and spit ice at me,” Kooima said. “I don’t know what that ghost has against NW students, but it’s up to no good.”
Kooima also credits the ghost with the recent opening of the Chamber of Secrets (located in the tunnel that runs from Christ Chapel to VPH).
No plans to catch the ghost have been made yet, but Lore E. Sofa, director of campus everything, is looking into putting a TV near the pop machine in hopes that the ghost will die of boredom as it watches the campus announcements scroll past.
The Student Association of Governing (SAG) advises students to enter the cafeteria in either pairs or groups to avoid being caught alone with the ghost.
Gus Martia, vice president of SAG, warns faculty and students of the ghost: “You better hide your kids, hide your wife and hide your husbands, too.”
Any student who can catch or scare away the ghost will receive specialized food for three weeks. Options for the specialty food include breakfast for supper on Monday nights, a panini or soup bowl for Saturday night supper, and ham and pie for Sunday dinner.
