Littering is fun
Ever since I was a wee little boy, I was told not to litter. I was told how bad it is for the environment, and even if I was to drop a small gum wrapper on the ground that I would be responsible for the breakdown of the Earth’s natural resources because “every litter bit hurts.” Well, I’m here to tell you that in most cases this is true, but not in Orange City.
I litter all the time. I love to litter in Orange City. I don’t love to litter because I enjoy the idea that I’m speeding up the world’s demise or even because it’s just plain easier than walking a few feet to the garbage can. I like to litter in this lovely town because if you drop a pop can, a piece of paper, or even a couch cushion, it will be gone within one hour.
Now, I know what you’re thinking, how can this be? Well, there are two simple answers that I have come up with. This town is frightfully trash-free, and one of the only ways this is possible is through millions of little trash-eating gnomes. They are hired by the City Council every year to keep Orange City looking spotless for Tulip Festival.
The little buggers scurry around at night undetected and whisk away every speck of trash. Then they bring it to their underground lairs for the feast that goes on every day during the light hours. I have come to accept this theory, no matter how unlikely it is, because it is more fun than the alternative.
The alternative is old people. During their routine walks, which vary in time of day depending on age, they pick up trash as they go. They like their town clean and if jerks like me are going to keep on littering, they’re going to keep on picking it up.
Either way you look at it this town is really clean. I believe the first scenario, so I will continue to litter because the very existence of a dying species is on the line. I will do my part as a citizen of Orange City and feed these starving gnomes. I hope you will do what is right to keep these wonderful creatures alive and join me in my littering campaign.