Drip: If you order a drip coffee, you are a consistent individual that lives a simple, quiet life. Your favorite class in college was probably a philosophy course, and speaking from experience, you are an angel in the eyes of baristas on a busy Saturday morning!
Latte: If you order a latte without any added flavors, you have probably ordered lattes of every flavor in the past, but have come to the conclusion that just plain coffee is the best. You are a very reliable person, and you probably wash your sheets every two weeks (as you should).
Espresso: If you order straight shots of espresso, you are considering selling all your belongings and renovating a bus to live out of. You probably want to travel the world and are extremely emotionally unavailable. You should consider scheduling a therapy appointment and reaching out to a cardiologist.
Frappuccino: If you order a frappuccino, you don’t want the coffee, you just want the sugar high. You always come in five minutes before closing, but you also always say “thank you” a thousand times before walking out.
Macchiato: If you order a traditional macchiato, you either know nothing about coffee or everything about coffee. The former tend to be upset that their drink is so small and the latter have everything else in their life figured out (i.e. they have their bills on autopay).
Iced Caramel Macchiato: If you order an iced caramel macchiato, you panic at the counter and get the same thing every time. However, you’re confused about what you want in life because, in case you were unaware, caramel macchiatos actually don’t even have caramel flavored syrup in them. It’s vanilla, babes. It’s an iced vanilla latte with caramel drizzle.
Cortado: If you order a cortado, you are an intellectual if one ever walked this earth. You read every night before bed and definitely voted on Tuesday. You also show up to your appointments 15 minutes early (as is recommended).
Mocha: If you order a mocha, you enjoy the small things in life, like the perfect balance of the bitter taste of coffee and sweet taste of chocolate. You are a very well-rounded individual and your instagram aesthetic is most likely unmatched.
Hot chocolate: If you order a hot chocolate, you have the heart and taste buds of a twelve-year-old.
*Disclaimer: There are so many coffee orders (and milk types) that I was unable to include due to article length restrictions, but if you don’t see yours listed, feel free to reach out and we can decide together what your coffee order says about you!
P.S. Since I’m making these claims, it’s only fair that I disclose my typical coffee order and let you all decide what it says about me. My go-to coffee order is always a brown sugar and honey latte with oat milk!